Truth
by Sabi's dream world
Summary: Merlin has a thing for Arthur but he catches Arthur and Gwen kissing.


Merlin is walking down the hall with a large laundry basket with clothes piled higher than his face. He's using his instincts and possibly a bit of magic to make sure he doesn't fall or run into anyone. He could imagine Gaius' eyebrow rising quite high, higher than the clothes, if he knew Merlin was using magic for such mundane acts. He could also imagine Arthur poking him in the ribs until he fell and then blaming it on his clumsiness. Honestly, sometimes he had to wonder why he was still here. He does some maneuvering when he gets to Arthur's door but manages to open it and stumbles inside. Surprisingly none of the laundry falls. Only his jaw falls.

He immediately shuts his mouth and turns around. It was probably the hardest he'd ever turned around and he can feel a sense of whiplash. Arthur and Gwen are kissing. It's not that he's surprised that they are kissing, they are courting after all. It's just…he had never really seen them kiss. He walks over to the laundry basket and begins to fold, staring intently into the basket and away from the pair.

"You don't have to look away when we kiss, Merlin." Gwen says gently. Arthur looks like he wanted to continue kissing her but Gwen is decent enough to step away.

"Yes I do." Merlin almost says but doesn't. He could say he wanted to give them privacy but that would be a lie. He has to turn away because it hurts. It's not easy looking at the man you love kissing another. It's even harder when the other is your greatest friend. But he's Merlin, so he will stand by his king's side and support his friend.

Instead he says: "I know."

Merlin doesn't look back up at the two of them.

"I should…go. I have customers waiting downstairs." Gwen says and bows her head before leaving. From the corner of his eye, Merlin can see Arthur frowning and staring at Merlin.

"You know Gwen—" Arthur starts and Merlin immediately leaves. He can't do it. He can't listen to Arthur talk about his love for Gwen. He can't listen to Arthur nearly write sonnets.

He'll finish the laundry when Arthur is in training.

Later in the day he decides to help Gwen with some of her work with making swords. He isn't good at it but if he uses magic he can place extra protection on them to help the knights. He's always enjoyed working with Gwen. They can work in silence or chatter about and it's relaxing. But not today.

"Do you think Arthur would like to go for a picnic?" Gwen asks.

"Hm?"

"It's just…I thought maybe if he left the castle it would give us more space and time to relax together, rather than constantly being caught up in running the kingdom. I mean I know that's his job it's just…" Gwen says and Merlin can tell she's nervous because she's rambling.

"He looks extra nice today." Gwen says and blushes.

More than nice, Merlin thinks silently. Handsome, beautiful, would be the words of his choice.

But each word that Gwen says pierces Merlin's heart again and again. He'd rather be fighting a magical dark beast than stand between Arthur and Gwen.

"Listen, I realized I had to…do something…um…for Arthur, you know how he is. Random useless chores." Merlin says and by the shocked look on Gwen's face he realizes he must have stopped her in the middle of a sentence. Guilt crushes him but it doesn't stop him from running out.

Rather than running towards the castle he runs towards the forest. He needs to breathe but all the castle does is suffocate him.

He reaches a clearing and falls to the ground. Closing his eyes he lets his magic thrum within him but doesn't dare let it out. Instead to calm his nerves and mind he lets himself feel the life of the forest around him.

A light cough startles him from his meditation and sits up with magic ready at his fingertips and words at the tip of his tongue to attack. But then he recognizes the blonde hair and lets his magic die out. Arthur has a peculiar look on his face that Merlin can't quite decipher.

"So this is where you spend your time. When you should be working for me."

"I am working for you."

"Really…and how exactly is sleeping in the forest working for me?"

Merlin wants to yell at Arthur, tell him that it's what keeps him sane. But for the hundredth time that day he keeps his mouth shut. Arthur would be quite proud of him.

Merlin takes a deep breath and is about say something when Arthur starts first.

"Look, is this about seeing Guinevere and I kiss today? I guess you aren't sure what the etiquette is right? Well, you don't have to look away but obviously staring would be weird. So just don't be weird around us alright? Besides, it's Gwen. She's your friend." Arthur says and every word hurts.

Arthur looks like he's about to continue but Merlin stops him.

"Stop. Just…stop. I…I have to go." Merlin says and runs out of the clearing.

"Merlin!" Arthur yells after him in disdain but Merlin doesn't stop.

Merlin makes it to his room just in time for the first tear to fall.

Merlin knew that Arthur would never be his but he could always pretend. But now everything is different. He's no longer the one standing at Arthur's side. It's Gwen.

The next few weeks go by with a lot of tension between Arthur and Merlin, and Gwen and Merlin.

Merlin stays clear of Arthur and Arthur, unsure as to what's happening, doesn't talk too much. He isn't unkind but his banter is reduced to the minimum.

Merlin stays clear of Gwen, but finds that's harder to do than with Arthur. Unlike Arthur, she won't let the strangeness go.

One day Gwen stops him in the middle of avoiding her.

"Merlin, wait. Merlin…did I say something?" Gwen questions and there's genuine fear in her eyes, fear that she may have hurt him. She really isn't making it easy for him. He wants to be mad at her.

"What? No, of course not. Why would anything be wrong?" Merlin says and continues walking putting on the largest fake smile he can muster.

"Merlin, I know something is wrong and I can't help but feeling like I am a part of it…somehow. Whatever it is, please, let me fix it or help." Gwen begs and Merlin feels bad for her. She has the kindest heart he has ever known.

"Nothing is wrong." Merlin says but even to his ears those words sound pathetic.

"Merlin." Gwen gives him a look, a look that does not believe a word he's saying.

Just then Arthur passes by. Merlin briefly looks at him before looking back at Gwen and then immediately at his hands.

Gwen sighs.

Merlin takes the opportunity of Arthur being away from his chambers to clean them but a slam of the door surprises him.

"There's only so much gloomy Merlin that I can take, Merlin." Arthur says.

"I'm not gloomy!" Merlin protests.

"Yes you are. And I don't know why. You need to get yourself a girlfriend or something because every time I catch you looking at Guinevere and I you have this look in your eyes." Arthur says as he takes of his armour.

Arthur isn't off, Merlin has been staring at the pair quite frequently. But he doubts a girlfriend would make his problems disappear.

"I'm sure there's a servant girl or a maid here he wouldn't mind those giant ears of yours." Arthur laughs.

"Or you could go the easy route and start at the pub." Arthur continues and Merlin slams his fist into the table.

Merlin closes his eyes and places his fingers at the bridge of his nose to stop himself from fuming. It isn't Arthur's fault. It isn't Arthur's fault. It isn't Arthur's fault. He's just trying to be a friend…in his own way.

What wakes Merlin up from his internal battle is the fact that Arthur isn't talking. He opens his eyes too look at Arthur who is staring back at him with wide eyes. Merlin feels a strange trickle of liquid down his hand so he looks down and notices that his hand is bleeding. There is also a massive wooden table broken in half right where he slammed into it mere moments ago. Ooops.

Merlin walks out and isn't whether he's surprised that Arthur isn't following him.

He decides it's a good time to wallow in his rooms and so he does. He really isn't sure how he's going to explain a broken table. Maybe with the help of Gaius he could make up an illness that gives one massive amounts of physical power in moments of anger. Except in this case massive amounts of power would include being as strong as a dragon.

He doesn't return to work and no one comes for him. That makes him both angry and relieved.

It's been over a week and he hasn't seen Arthur, possibly because he's barely made it out of Gaius' quarters.

Merlin hears someone enter his room and presumes it's Gaius.

"Gaius, I got the herbs you needed, I placed them on your work table. And to answer the question you've been asking me every day, I don't know. I don't know when I'm going back to work. I don't if I'm allowed to go back to work. I don't know if I want to go back to work. I just…I don't know alright? Also, where's my book, I wanted to make sure that Arthur's armour is extra safe for his next tournament?…Gaius?" Merlin turns around to face Gaius but finds Arthur instead. Arthur leaning against the door staring at Merlin with that peculiar face again.

"Arthur!" Merlin rises his eyes widening.

"Glad to see you haven't forgotten my name." Arthur smirks. Merlin doesn't know how to answer or what to say so he stays silent.

"So…breaking tables…is that a habit of yours?" Arthur begins lightly. Merlin chews at the inside of his cheek.

"No." He says.

"Good, I really liked that table."

"I'll get it fixed, sire."

"This isn't about the table, and you know it. I may call you an idiot but I know perfectly well that you aren't one…not always anyways." Arthur says.

"Is it because I missed work?" Merlin asks.

"No, damn it. It's because of the table." Arthur says. Merlin frowns.

"I thought you said it wasn't about the table." Merlin points out and Arthur sighs.

"I meant it's not about the actual table it's about what happened to the table. More particularly how it happened." Arthur explains.

"Oh." Merlin whispers.

"Yes, oh. Care to explain?" Arthur says.

"…some people say there's a rare moment of power that comes when one is angry…" Merlin says weakly.

"Is this where you prepare all of your excuses?" Arthur asks bitterly.

Merlin opens his mouth to say something but closes it again.

"Try again."

"…I don't know how it happened…?" Merlin says unconvincingly.

"Despite what you may think I do have some patience in me. But there is only so much and it is currently wearing thin. Try again." Arthur says.

"What do you want me to say Arthur?" Merlin asks looking away.

"The truth." Arthur says and Merlin looks at him.

"No you don't. You don't want the truth. Truths are ugly. Half-truths are bliss." Merlin says.

"Well I am ordering you to tell me the truth." Arthur says.

"When have I ever obeyed any of your orders?" Merlin smiles sadly.

"Fine. I ask you, as your friend, to tell me the truth." Arthur says and Merlin knows he can't fight that.

"You don't want the truth, trust me, you don't. Just…go be with Guinevere. I'll send someone to get your dinner." Merlin says quietly. Arthur almost looks like he's about to do that but instead he moves closer to Merlin. He reaches out and lifts Merlin's face up.

"Merlin. I am ready for whatever truth you give me. Besides, I'm stuck with you as company since Guinevere and I are no longer together. Just, tell me what's going on so that everything can go back to the way it was."

"But that's the thing! Nothing can go back as it was, not with this truth!" Merlin steps away from Arthur's reach and then stops as his mind catches up with what Arthur said. Guinevere and Arthur are no longer together. He berates himself for being slightly happy about that.

"Why not? Why can't everything just be alright between us?" Arthur yells.

"Because that only happens in fairy-tales." Merlin says and tears start to drip down his face.

Arthur steps closer to him and gently wipes at Merlin's tears. He places a gentle kiss on Merlin's forehead and then places his forehead against his. All this time Arthur caresses Merlin's right cheek.

"Please." Arthur says and it catches Merlin by surprise. He doesn't think he's ever heard Arthur say that word before.

"Fine, you want the truth?" Merlin asks and hardens his eyes the way he hardens his heart. He doesn't know what will happen after this and he needs to protect himself.

Arthur nods though Merlin can see some uncertainty in it.

"I'm the most powerful warlock to ever walk this earth. I was born with magic. I can command dragons. And I am in love with you, the king of Camelot." Merlin says and doesn't take his eyes off of Arthur's.

He waits for Arthur to reach for his sword. He waits for Arthur to call for back up. He waits for the anger or the hurt.

Instead he feels Arthur's lips against his.

"I'm not as surprised as I should be, about the magic I mean. I mean you're clumsy and can barely hold a sword but you're also brave and loyal. You've always been a paradox, so adding magic into that somehow seems…small. I always knew there was something about you, I said it right from the start." Arthur says.

"You're not angry…" Merlin says.

"Did you think I would be?" Arthur asks.

"Yes. Angry, or hurt, or disappointed, or yelling for guards, or banishing me, or yelling at me, or killing me on the spot, or—" Merlin lists all the different possibilities.

"Stop, Merlin, stop. I will never, ever, let anything happen to you. Do you understand? Never." Arthur says fiercely.

"But…why?" Merlin asks, still in shock.

"I thought that kiss would have made it obvious." Arthur laughs.

"Pretend I really am that idiot you call me." Merlin says. He needs to hear it from Arthur.

"Because I have been falling for you ever since the first day we met. Happy?" Arthur says.

"Yes." Merlin smiles.

The pair kiss until dark.


End file.
